Tuesday, 23 August 2011


I would like to finish all conversations the same way that most articles/blogs are finished. I would like to end them all with a single line which sums up and self-references the whole conversation.

Me:           "Excuse me do you have the time?"
Him:         "Sorry mate, I don't have a watch"
Me:           "No problem thanks"

Me:           "Next time we meet, perhaps we'll have.......More Time!?!"
Him:         "What?"

Me:          "Oh nothing, I was self-referencing for structural closure".

Him:       "You're a queer".

Me:         "How are you still doing this? I was writing a hypothetical example of an unusual conversation and you're still here".

Him:        "You don't know how to even use tabs. Look, that last line doesn't line up with the rest of it".

Me:         "What The Hell man?"

I think it's because conversations never go exactly how you want them to. So many deeply planned arguments go astray because the bastard on the other side won't say exactly the lines I've rehearsed. It's almost as if the world isn't a deep, well-structured figment of my importance. I have literally never, ever won an argument where the other side has nodded sagely with a sort of "well-played sir" bonhomie. It's almost as if all arguments are unwinnable. I think I'll stick to blogging and arguing points on my own.

Those are arguments I can definitely win.

Him:            "Prick".

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